CORRECT LYRICS
Lyrics : Simple
How are you gonna separate them?
According to the principles of logic!
Logic?
Gra** is green, sky is blue
False is false and true is true
Who is who?
You are you, I'm me!
Simple? Simple? Simple?
Simple as A-B-C
Simple as one-two-three!
But who on that line is what?
One is one, two is two
Who is what and which is who?
No one's always what they seem to be
That's certainly true
For example, you sir, with the manly good looks. Would you come forward please, Mr. Hapgood?
I thought you were Hapgood?
Calling the patient by my name, he identifies with me immеdiately, we have an instant transfеrence and thereby save five years of psychoa***ysis!
Brilliant! What happens if I call you Hoover Hooper?
Shall we dance? Now then, Mr. Hapgood—
Call me Happy, sir. Or George
All right, Georgie
Thank you, George
Thank you. Now when we were a child, that is, when you were a child, a boy—you were a boy?
I was a manly little fellow, sir
Then I'm sure there was a saying you learned that you have used ever since to govern your life? A motto, a watchcry!
A watchcry. Yes, sir
(sung)
"I am the master of my fate
And the captain of my soul"
Good, Hapgood! Now then: married?
Yes, sir
Two children?
Yes, sir
Two TV sets?
Yes, sir
Two martinis?
Yes, sir
Bank on Friday?
Yes, sir
Golf on Saturday?
Yes, sir
Church on Sunday?
Yes, sir
Do you vote?
Yes, sir
(sung)
Only for the man who wins
Only for the man who wins
Only for the man who—
All right. Headaches?
No, sir
Backaches?
No, sir
Heartaches?
No, sir
Thank you, Hapgood. Group A. Over there, please
What's Group A?
Obviously mad as a hatter
Magruder! Place the Cookie under arrest
Just a moment! George—do you ever wonder whether you're real?
Oh, No, sir, I know I'm not
Group One. Over there, please
What is this?
I don’t know, but it’s brilliant!
But which group is what?
It’s very simple
(sung)
Gra** is green, sky is blue
A is one, group one is two
One is one, oh, one is A, you see
Gra** is green, sky is blue
One is one and A is too
No. A is One and one is, too
No, one and one
Is always two to me! (No, one is green)
(A is blue) (No, A is green)
(One can be in) (One is blue) (No, One is one)
I don’t agree (A, you see) (A is “out” and) (A is one group)
A is you and (A is crazy) (One is “in”) (Too)
Me (Maybe) (I agree) (See?)
A woman's place is in the home
A woman's place is in the house
And home is where you hang your hat
And that is where you hang your spouse
A woman's place is in the home
Dear Mr. And Mrs. Hapgood—
Oh, we're not married, Doctor. He's June and I'm John. I mean she's John and I’m June
June and John are engaged!
John's my secretary
June used to be my secretary, but his corporation went bust
And her syndicate took over
Well, it would all be in the family if you got married!
But John can't support June
Every cent John makes goes to pay for June's dinners
Why doesn't June give John a raise?
He's not worth it!
I see. And neither of you wants John to stay home and do the housekeeping because—
Because
A woman's place is in the home
A woman's place is on the shelf
And home is where he hangs her hat
And that is where she hangs himself
Group?
A
Magruder!
One
A woman's place is in the home
A woman’s place is in the house
I'm the master of my fate and the captain of my soul
A woman’s place is in the home
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again
Beauty is only skin deep
You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear
A woman's place is in the house
Fly now, pay later, fly now, pay later
A woman’s place is in the house
Never look a gift horse in the mouth
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies
Handsome is as handsome does
You always hurt the one you love
Seeing is believing
Stop the music! A man crossed over
That was a woman
Oh
Group One
(sung)
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Now wait. Are they all Cookies? If you could produce someone who is sane, present company excluded, of course
You can't judge a book by its cover
No, you can't judge a book by its cover
You can't judge a book by how literate it look
No, You can't judge a book by its cubber
Occupation?
Going to schools, riding in buses, eating in restaurants
Isn't that line of work getting rather easy?
Not for me. I'm Jewish. Group A, would you say?
Group one's more fun
Crazy!
Group A
Group one
It's maddening!
What's the difference between them?
It's obvious
(sung)
The opposite of dark is bright
The opposite of bright is dumb
So anything that's dark is dumb
But they sure can hum
Hum!
The opposite of dark is bright (Hum! Hum! Hum!)
The opposite of bright is dumb (Hum! Hum! Hum!)
So anything that's dark is dumb
That's the rule of thumb!
Depends where you're from!
Simple? Simple? Simple?
Simple as A-B-C
Simple? Simple? Simple?
Simple as N-A-A-C-P!
I get the point, Comptroller Hapgood
Oh, shut up and get in Group A
Who's that?
My brother-in-law
But he's not a pilgrim, and he's not a Cookie, Hapgood, what was he doing on the line?
Oh, every fool wants a miracle. Hapgood!
Who is on that line?
Doctor, you are not doing what we want you to!
You’re right. Look here, Hapgood, darling
(sung)
Gra** is green, sky is blue
I'll join any group with you
Schub's a boob and you belong to me!
Simple? Simple?
Simple as one-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three (Get back!)
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three (Your honor!)
One-two-three
One-two-three (Cora!)
He’s taking over! They turn into him. Stop it!
Watchcry!
I am the master of my fate and the captain of—
(A woman's place is in the home. A woman’s place—)
(Beauty is only skin deep—)
(Ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no—)
(Never look a gift horse in the—)
(Seeing is believing! Seeing is believing! Seeing is believing!)
(An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of—)
(An apple a day, an apple a day, an apple a day keeps the doctor a—)
Rub your stomachs! Good, good
Watchcry!
I am the master of my fate and the captain of—
(A woman's place is in the home. A woman’s place—)
(If at first you don’t succeed, try, try a—)
(Handsome is as handsome does, handsome is as—)
(You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, you can’t make—)
(Fly now, pay later, fly now—)
(Never change horses in mid—)
(Never let your right hand know what your left hand is do—)
(If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride; if wishes were horses—)
Pat your heads, Hello! Hello! Good
Hello! Hello! Reverse! Good
Hello! Hello! That's good, good, good, Comptroller
Dammit!
I adore games!
Watchcry!
Hello!
He's boring from within
Watchcry!
Communist!
You would say that
(sung)
The opposite of left is right
The opposite of right is wrong
So anyone who's left is wrong, right?
Good, good
Hello!
Hello!
Simple? Simple? Simple?
Simple as A-B-C
Simple as one-two-
Three cheers for the red, white and blue
Watchcry!
Look here, I'm the chief of—
Watchcry!
Ours not to reason why
Ours but to do or die
Sergeant Magruder reporting, sir!
Occupation?
Fighting the enemy
What enemy?
What year?
Yesterday
The Germans: Heil!
The day before
The Germans: Heil!
Today
The Germans: Hail!
Tomorrow
Hail! Heil! Hail? Heil? Hail?
Group A
Heil?
Group One
Hail? Heil? Hail? Heil?
You're just making him seem crazy, but he's twisted
I mean, he's being twisted
Gra** is blue, sky is green
Change of time is change of scene
What you meant is what you mean
(spoken)
Watchcry!
Hallelujah!
(spoken)
Now listen, brother
Occupation?
Preacher, er, Treasurer
Ah, you were a preacher, Hapgood
I'm a treasurer, Cooley, I mean—
They threw you out of your pulpit
Brother—
Because you were crazy
Because I believed!
In being treasurer?
In God, and they only believe in religion
And that made you crazy, Hapgood
I am not crazy, Cooley!
No, you're crazy, Hapgood
I am not Cooley, I-I mean, I’m not crazy, I'm Hapgood!
Are you sure?
I am completely Schub!
He's crazy
Thank you. Group A. Watchcry!
Watchcry! Watchcry!
I am the master of my fate and the captain of—
(A woman's place is in the home. A woman’s place—)
(Beauty is only skin deep—)
(Never look a gift horse in the—)
(Ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no—)
(An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of—)
(Seeing is believing! Seeing is believing! Seeing is believing!)
(You can fool some of the people some of—)
(An apple a day, an apple a day, an apple a day keeps the doctor a—)
(Ours not to reason why, ours but to do or die. Ours not to reason why—)
(I am the master of my fate—)
(A woman's place is in the home—)
(Handsome is as handsome does—)
(If at first you don’t succeed—)
(You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s—)
(Never change horses in—)
(Fly now, pay later—)
(Never let your right hand know what your left hand—)
(If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride—)
(Hallelujah! Hallelu—)
I don't have one, Cooley!
Ah, ha!
Hapgood, we are going to end all this right here and now. My dear Treasurer, I mean, Doctor, dammit! Right now: which group is—
Two questions
One answer
Just two little questions, Schub, and you'll know which group is what
Where does most of your money go?
I hardly think—
Where does most of your money go, Hapgood?
In taxes
Good. What do you think of someone who makes a product and doesn't use it?
He's crazy
Hello! Hello!
Most of your money goes to the government in taxes
What does the government do with most of the money?
Makes bombs
Reverse!
Good. Hello! Hello!
But you say to make a product and not to use it is crazy
Isn't that what you said, Comptroller Cooley?
And, doesn't that make you crazy for letting them waste your money, Treasurer Schub?
Reverse!
But perhaps the government is making bombs because it means to use the product
Which means everyone will be killed, Hapgood. Including you, Schub!
Both together now! Which means, you are paying most of your money to have yourself killed
Which means, my dear Doctor, Comptroller, Mayor Schub, you are the maddest of all!
Watchcry!
Help!
Watchcry!
Brilliant!
Watchcry!
Gra** is green, sky is blue
The opposite of left is right (Gra** is green)
The opposite of right is wrong (Sky is blue)
Simple? Simple? Simple? (The opposite of left is right) (Gra** is green)
Simple as A-B-three (The opposite of right is wrong) (Sky is blue)
Simple as one-two-C (Simple? Simple? Simple?) (The opposite of left is right)
As gra** is green (Simple as A-B-three) (The opposite of right is wrong)
As sky is blue (As one-two-C) (Simple? Simple? Simple? Simple as A-B-)
As simple as the opposite of left is right! (as (three) the opposite of right)
Is wrong!
Is right!
Is wrong!
Is right!
Is wrong!
Is A!
Is one!
Is A!
Is one!
Hello!
Hello!
Hello!
Hello!
Good!
Good!
Good! (One is A!)
Good! (A is one!)
One is A!
A is
One is A is gra** is who is opposite of what is green is
Safe is opposite of dark is opposite of simple which is
Watchcry!
Watchcry!
Watchcry! Watchcry!
One is one! Two is two! Who is what and which is who?
Who is what? (Who is what?)
Which is who? (Who is what?)
Who is what? (Which is who?) (Who is what?)
Which is who? (Which is who?)
Which is who? (Which is who?) (Which)
Which is who? (Which is who)
Which is who? (Which is who?) (Is)
Which is who? (Which is)
Who is who?
You are all mad
According to the principles of logic!
Logic?
Gra** is green, sky is blue
False is false and true is true
Who is who?
You are you, I'm me!
Simple? Simple? Simple?
Simple as A-B-C
Simple as one-two-three!
But who on that line is what?
One is one, two is two
Who is what and which is who?
No one's always what they seem to be
That's certainly true
For example, you sir, with the manly good looks. Would you come forward please, Mr. Hapgood?
I thought you were Hapgood?
Calling the patient by my name, he identifies with me immеdiately, we have an instant transfеrence and thereby save five years of psychoa***ysis!
Brilliant! What happens if I call you Hoover Hooper?
Shall we dance? Now then, Mr. Hapgood—
Call me Happy, sir. Or George
All right, Georgie
Thank you, George
Thank you. Now when we were a child, that is, when you were a child, a boy—you were a boy?
I was a manly little fellow, sir
Then I'm sure there was a saying you learned that you have used ever since to govern your life? A motto, a watchcry!
A watchcry. Yes, sir
(sung)
"I am the master of my fate
And the captain of my soul"
Good, Hapgood! Now then: married?
Yes, sir
Two children?
Yes, sir
Two TV sets?
Yes, sir
Two martinis?
Yes, sir
Bank on Friday?
Yes, sir
Golf on Saturday?
Yes, sir
Church on Sunday?
Yes, sir
Do you vote?
Yes, sir
(sung)
Only for the man who wins
Only for the man who wins
Only for the man who—
All right. Headaches?
No, sir
Backaches?
No, sir
Heartaches?
No, sir
Thank you, Hapgood. Group A. Over there, please
What's Group A?
Obviously mad as a hatter
Magruder! Place the Cookie under arrest
Just a moment! George—do you ever wonder whether you're real?
Oh, No, sir, I know I'm not
Group One. Over there, please
What is this?
I don’t know, but it’s brilliant!
But which group is what?
It’s very simple
(sung)
Gra** is green, sky is blue
A is one, group one is two
One is one, oh, one is A, you see
Gra** is green, sky is blue
One is one and A is too
No. A is One and one is, too
No, one and one
Is always two to me! (No, one is green)
(A is blue) (No, A is green)
(One can be in) (One is blue) (No, One is one)
I don’t agree (A, you see) (A is “out” and) (A is one group)
A is you and (A is crazy) (One is “in”) (Too)
Me (Maybe) (I agree) (See?)
A woman's place is in the home
A woman's place is in the house
And home is where you hang your hat
And that is where you hang your spouse
A woman's place is in the home
Dear Mr. And Mrs. Hapgood—
Oh, we're not married, Doctor. He's June and I'm John. I mean she's John and I’m June
June and John are engaged!
John's my secretary
June used to be my secretary, but his corporation went bust
And her syndicate took over
Well, it would all be in the family if you got married!
But John can't support June
Every cent John makes goes to pay for June's dinners
Why doesn't June give John a raise?
He's not worth it!
I see. And neither of you wants John to stay home and do the housekeeping because—
Because
A woman's place is in the home
A woman's place is on the shelf
And home is where he hangs her hat
And that is where she hangs himself
Group?
A
Magruder!
One
A woman's place is in the home
A woman’s place is in the house
I'm the master of my fate and the captain of my soul
A woman’s place is in the home
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again
Beauty is only skin deep
You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear
A woman's place is in the house
Fly now, pay later, fly now, pay later
A woman’s place is in the house
Never look a gift horse in the mouth
Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies
Handsome is as handsome does
You always hurt the one you love
Seeing is believing
Stop the music! A man crossed over
That was a woman
Oh
Group One
(sung)
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
Now wait. Are they all Cookies? If you could produce someone who is sane, present company excluded, of course
You can't judge a book by its cover
No, you can't judge a book by its cover
You can't judge a book by how literate it look
No, You can't judge a book by its cubber
Occupation?
Going to schools, riding in buses, eating in restaurants
Isn't that line of work getting rather easy?
Not for me. I'm Jewish. Group A, would you say?
Group one's more fun
Crazy!
Group A
Group one
It's maddening!
What's the difference between them?
It's obvious
(sung)
The opposite of dark is bright
The opposite of bright is dumb
So anything that's dark is dumb
But they sure can hum
Hum!
The opposite of dark is bright (Hum! Hum! Hum!)
The opposite of bright is dumb (Hum! Hum! Hum!)
So anything that's dark is dumb
That's the rule of thumb!
Depends where you're from!
Simple? Simple? Simple?
Simple as A-B-C
Simple? Simple? Simple?
Simple as N-A-A-C-P!
I get the point, Comptroller Hapgood
Oh, shut up and get in Group A
Who's that?
My brother-in-law
But he's not a pilgrim, and he's not a Cookie, Hapgood, what was he doing on the line?
Oh, every fool wants a miracle. Hapgood!
Who is on that line?
Doctor, you are not doing what we want you to!
You’re right. Look here, Hapgood, darling
(sung)
Gra** is green, sky is blue
I'll join any group with you
Schub's a boob and you belong to me!
Simple? Simple?
Simple as one-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three (Get back!)
One-two-three
One-two-three
One-two-three (Your honor!)
One-two-three
One-two-three (Cora!)
He’s taking over! They turn into him. Stop it!
Watchcry!
I am the master of my fate and the captain of—
(A woman's place is in the home. A woman’s place—)
(Beauty is only skin deep—)
(Ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no—)
(Never look a gift horse in the—)
(Seeing is believing! Seeing is believing! Seeing is believing!)
(An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of—)
(An apple a day, an apple a day, an apple a day keeps the doctor a—)
Rub your stomachs! Good, good
Watchcry!
I am the master of my fate and the captain of—
(A woman's place is in the home. A woman’s place—)
(If at first you don’t succeed, try, try a—)
(Handsome is as handsome does, handsome is as—)
(You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear, you can’t make—)
(Fly now, pay later, fly now—)
(Never change horses in mid—)
(Never let your right hand know what your left hand is do—)
(If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride; if wishes were horses—)
Pat your heads, Hello! Hello! Good
Hello! Hello! Reverse! Good
Hello! Hello! That's good, good, good, Comptroller
Dammit!
I adore games!
Watchcry!
Hello!
He's boring from within
Watchcry!
Communist!
You would say that
(sung)
The opposite of left is right
The opposite of right is wrong
So anyone who's left is wrong, right?
Good, good
Hello!
Hello!
Simple? Simple? Simple?
Simple as A-B-C
Simple as one-two-
Three cheers for the red, white and blue
Watchcry!
Look here, I'm the chief of—
Watchcry!
Ours not to reason why
Ours but to do or die
Sergeant Magruder reporting, sir!
Occupation?
Fighting the enemy
What enemy?
What year?
Yesterday
The Germans: Heil!
The day before
The Germans: Heil!
Today
The Germans: Hail!
Tomorrow
Hail! Heil! Hail? Heil? Hail?
Group A
Heil?
Group One
Hail? Heil? Hail? Heil?
You're just making him seem crazy, but he's twisted
I mean, he's being twisted
Gra** is blue, sky is green
Change of time is change of scene
What you meant is what you mean
(spoken)
Watchcry!
Hallelujah!
(spoken)
Now listen, brother
Occupation?
Preacher, er, Treasurer
Ah, you were a preacher, Hapgood
I'm a treasurer, Cooley, I mean—
They threw you out of your pulpit
Brother—
Because you were crazy
Because I believed!
In being treasurer?
In God, and they only believe in religion
And that made you crazy, Hapgood
I am not crazy, Cooley!
No, you're crazy, Hapgood
I am not Cooley, I-I mean, I’m not crazy, I'm Hapgood!
Are you sure?
I am completely Schub!
He's crazy
Thank you. Group A. Watchcry!
Watchcry! Watchcry!
I am the master of my fate and the captain of—
(A woman's place is in the home. A woman’s place—)
(Beauty is only skin deep—)
(Never look a gift horse in the—)
(Ask me no questions, I’ll tell you no—)
(An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of—)
(Seeing is believing! Seeing is believing! Seeing is believing!)
(You can fool some of the people some of—)
(An apple a day, an apple a day, an apple a day keeps the doctor a—)
(Ours not to reason why, ours but to do or die. Ours not to reason why—)
(I am the master of my fate—)
(A woman's place is in the home—)
(Handsome is as handsome does—)
(If at first you don’t succeed—)
(You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s—)
(Never change horses in—)
(Fly now, pay later—)
(Never let your right hand know what your left hand—)
(If wishes were horses, then beggars would ride—)
(Hallelujah! Hallelu—)
I don't have one, Cooley!
Ah, ha!
Hapgood, we are going to end all this right here and now. My dear Treasurer, I mean, Doctor, dammit! Right now: which group is—
Two questions
One answer
Just two little questions, Schub, and you'll know which group is what
Where does most of your money go?
I hardly think—
Where does most of your money go, Hapgood?
In taxes
Good. What do you think of someone who makes a product and doesn't use it?
He's crazy
Hello! Hello!
Most of your money goes to the government in taxes
What does the government do with most of the money?
Makes bombs
Reverse!
Good. Hello! Hello!
But you say to make a product and not to use it is crazy
Isn't that what you said, Comptroller Cooley?
And, doesn't that make you crazy for letting them waste your money, Treasurer Schub?
Reverse!
But perhaps the government is making bombs because it means to use the product
Which means everyone will be killed, Hapgood. Including you, Schub!
Both together now! Which means, you are paying most of your money to have yourself killed
Which means, my dear Doctor, Comptroller, Mayor Schub, you are the maddest of all!
Watchcry!
Help!
Watchcry!
Brilliant!
Watchcry!
Gra** is green, sky is blue
The opposite of left is right (Gra** is green)
The opposite of right is wrong (Sky is blue)
Simple? Simple? Simple? (The opposite of left is right) (Gra** is green)
Simple as A-B-three (The opposite of right is wrong) (Sky is blue)
Simple as one-two-C (Simple? Simple? Simple?) (The opposite of left is right)
As gra** is green (Simple as A-B-three) (The opposite of right is wrong)
As sky is blue (As one-two-C) (Simple? Simple? Simple? Simple as A-B-)
As simple as the opposite of left is right! (as (three) the opposite of right)
Is wrong!
Is right!
Is wrong!
Is right!
Is wrong!
Is A!
Is one!
Is A!
Is one!
Hello!
Hello!
Hello!
Hello!
Good!
Good!
Good! (One is A!)
Good! (A is one!)
One is A!
A is
One is A is gra** is who is opposite of what is green is
Safe is opposite of dark is opposite of simple which is
Watchcry!
Watchcry!
Watchcry! Watchcry!
One is one! Two is two! Who is what and which is who?
Who is what? (Who is what?)
Which is who? (Who is what?)
Who is what? (Which is who?) (Who is what?)
Which is who? (Which is who?)
Which is who? (Which is who?) (Which)
Which is who? (Which is who)
Which is who? (Which is who?) (Is)
Which is who? (Which is)
Who is who?
You are all mad
