(Spoken Intro)
All right, I'm gonna head out
Have fun
What are you gonna do?
Just finish up work and relax
Okay, well, don't miss me too much
I won't
All right, bye
(Musical Intro)
Finally, he's gone
I have the whole night to unwind
And do a little self-care
The only way I know how
(Song)
I'm gonna watch a murder show, murder show
I'm gonna watch a murder show
Netflix, Showtime
HBO and Dateline
Murder show, murder show
I'm gonna watch a murder show
YouTube, Hulu
That's my favorite thing to do
Two sisters got killed on a cruise in the Bahamas
I'm gonna half watch it while I fold my pajamas
Severed limbs found on a beach in Chula Vista
But I just kinda stare while I eat a piece of pizza
They dig up some bodies and do an autopsy
Boring!
Wake me up when it's Munchausen by proxy
A bodybuilder chopped up an old lady
I watch it while I text my sister 'bout her baby
Murder show, murder show
Every type of murder show
Late night, true crime
This is my relaxin' time
Murder show, murder show
I'm gonna watch a murder show
Last night, I found a new one
Where they found a cheerleader's head in an old coal mine
I watch it while I pay my taxes online
Satanic killer on the loose in Texas
And I'm on Insta keepin' tabs on my exes
Cannibals cut off people's flesh and they boil it
I watch it all while I'm sittin' on the toilet
Six pretty girls got scalped at the prom
I watch it in the background while I FaceTime my mom
And as soon as I'm done, I listen to a podcast
About the same guy as the show I just watched
'Cause now I'm fully down the rabbit hole
I hope for a body count, like six or seven
A really high body count, 10 or 11
15, 16, now it's getting interesting
If it's not at least 20, then girl, he ain't worth it
(Spoken Interlude)
What the hell? Have you just been watching murder shows all night?
Uh, yes
You do realize that there's a type of show that's even better than murder shows, right?
Wait, what?
Oh, yeah
(Song)
Have you heard about cult shows, cult shows?
Different kinds of cult shows
Brainwash, sex, and ugly dudes
And a bit of volleyball
Death cults, sex cults
We all like sex cults
Murder shows and cult shows
And don't forget baking shows
(Spoken)
What? I like baking shows! Whatever, screw you guys. I'm eating all of them
(Outro)
Body shows