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Something Bad Is Happening
par
William Finn
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[CHARLOTTE] People might think I'm very dyke-ish I make a big stink when I must, but goddamn I'm just professional, never too nonchalant If I'm a bitch, well, I am what I am! Just call me 'Doc', don't call me 'lady' I don't like to talk when I'm losing the game Bachelors arrive sick and frightened They leave weeks later, unenlightened We see a trend, but the trend has no name Something bad is happening Something very bad is happening Something stinks, something immoral Something so bad that words have lost their meaning! Rumors fly and tales abound Stories echo underground! Something bad is Spreading, spreading, spreading 'round! [CORDELIA] Tell me how it tastes! Tell me if it's good! Tell me, dear, if you'd like seconds— [CHARLOTTE, spoken] Stop! [CORDELIA] Go ahead and wound my pride [CHARLOTTE] Just stop [CORDELIA] You're feeling very sick inside, well, okay So you've had a bad day I don't know what to say Look what's become of my doctor She's my doctor And I love her! She's got passion! She's intelligent and, Jesus Christ A doctor! Very wealthy And I love her! Doctor of internal medicine! I'm heartsick You're unhappy [CHARLOTTE] Life is crappy [CORDELIA] And you always see the glass half full I'm nervous [CHARLOTTE] This is f*cking ridiculous! [CORDELIA] She's my doctor and I love her! She's got heart! [CHARLOTTE] My spirits sag when I read the magazines Men dressed in drag, next to their moms Fashion and passion and filler But not a word about the killer I like the ballgowns, but Jesus Christ! [CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA] Something bad is happening! [CHARLOTTE] Something very bad is happening! Something stinks, something immoral! Something so bad that words have lost their meaning! Rumors fly and tales abound Stories echo underground! Something bad is [CORDELIA (overlapping)] Which she'd never say Little things don't get in her way What can it be? What can it be? [CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA] Spreading, spreading, spreading 'round! [CHARLOTTE] Look, a virus has been found! Stories echo underground! Something bad is [CHARLOTTE & CORDELIA] Spreading, spreading, spreading 'round!
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