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Big C
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[Adèle] Hey, ho, vodeo do When I'm around there's an atmosphere of tension Boom, boom, there's an elephant in the room It's a subject that nobody Absolutely nobody Genuinely nobody wants to mention Big C... It comes to you it comes to me And it's as nasty as can be, Big C Big C... It's unexpected you'll agree And it can make it hurt to pee, Big C You can lose your sense of humour when you find you have a tumour or some lumps (I know I did!) When you hear the diagnosis it is my prognosis you'll be down in the dumps When you have growths as big as gourds you'll want to go to Lourdes I shouldn't doubt And if you have chemotherapy then very soon your hair'll be falling out [Adèle (Dillie and Liza)] Big C (Big C, Big C) It has a massive family tree (You must agree) Many types from a to z (No guarantee that you'll be free) Big C... (Ahh) You'll soon find out it holds the key If you're to be or not to be Big C... [Dillie] Your friends will rush to the rescue With sage, and thyme and fescue [Adèle] Oh, how kind! [Dillie] Organic, of course! [Liza] They'll insist you give up drinking And take up positive thinking [Adèle] It's all about the mind [Liza] Who knew? [Dillie] Though their grasps on meds are shakey They'll suggest a course of reiki It can't fail [Adèle] Better already! [Liza] And they've found this brilliant diet And really, you must try it! It's just kale [Adèle] Rather tough... [Liza] Not in a nutribullet [All] Big C It isn't cured with herbal tea Or rubbing crystals on your knee Big C, Big C It's no use beefing up your chi The cells will merely say tee hee Big C... Friends will put on cheery faces And tell of hopeless cases who beat the odds They will mean it most sincerely but perhaps those folks were merely lucky sods They will tell of Uncle Fred who was jolly nearly dead; they said adieu But in spite of his sarcoma, his dialysis and his stoma he climbed K2 Big C, we've made it our philosophy To face the bastard with a sweep, Big C We'll crack a bottle of Chablis (or two, or three) Book that holiday in Capri, Big C Big C Big C f*ck you Big C!
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