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Etika
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Yeah, yeah, yeah Uh, yeah, yeah (It's Samazin) Yo I remember thinking Etika was right All alone in my zone in the dead of night Pondering on the things he was thinkin' and why he ain't feel this life With a sharp pain in my chest like it's being pierced with a knife Like, was he sick or did he understand? Did he break from keeping everything bottled up as a man? I know I did and I hated it, walking round as a pessimist Yet feeling like we closer cause I'm sharing in his sentiment Thinkin ima see him and we'll get to have a talk Saying 'bye' to my surroundings every time I took a walk Cuz I ain't wanna be here, I'll take a sec to be clear I've been done, you can't look me in my eyes and see fear There's wasn't none to see here, not a reason to function I said "I want to die", that was end of discussion Couldn't no one change my mind with a word from their mouth, bro I was set, there wasn't sh*t clickin like the mouse broke How'd I get to a sunken place from my laughter? Why did I feel slowed as the world is proceedin' faster? Why is my heart shattered from happily ever after? Was constantly on the search knowin' that I won't get the answers Waiting to be ash in the wind Hopin' in another life that we'll be laughing again Swearing that this isn't something I'll regret, man Crazy when relating to your friend is relative to a dead man In a constant Kumite with my emotions Gauging my self love on irrelevant parties notions Thoughts of my first love and how I didn't feel important And still seeing our faces in the baby she aborted Dwellin' on everything like a failure, the sh*t was new to me Walkin' through it alone even though I got people cool with me Tryna kill the aches by murdering who I used to be Bandaiding wounds by covering them in jewelry The most not myself I felt ever Yet after killin' who I was I never felt better And it makes me sit and ponder What goal was he reachin' for? I know he had his cuz I got scars that y'all ain't see before I wish I could have a call with that n***a So I can ask what death is like and learn it all from that n***a See if he's happier off since he's away from the noise I broke down, then built up but I can't fill this void I feel hollow, and I make sure the ammo matches the feelin' In case I'm faced with an opp instead of hangin' from the ceiling In case I get popped cuz I'm dropping somethin' with me I ain't goin' by my hands, then I got my something with me Made enemies out of friends, shut myself out from fans Convinced that the ones that left us are the ones that understand Side eyein' the living, even those in my home Surrounded by so much love, yet still feelin' alone Crumblin' fightin' with feelings on sh*t that don't matter Strugglin' to focus because sh*t just don't add up Agony come and go, I create the thoughts that I'm facin' So why the f**k can't I take it? Why the f**k am I shakin'? This is life ain't it? Physical and mental strain? We all want a better high, we just gotta find our strain Pain is on the menu, huh? We don't get much novocaine Sometimes tryna hold sh*t up, leave you with them shoulder pains Sometimes we can't show our pains, sometimes we don't know we got em Sometimes we just think we normal, some just switched and then forgot 'em Tightroped tryna' find my balance, trying not to fall and perish Wishin' I could text the afterlife and see he read the message Maybe he ain't have it right, or maybe I just ain't been through it Enough I should take my leave or I ain't brave to do it I know that I ain't alone in this feeling but I still feel it Time don't show us any mercy, we still need it for the healin' Maybe I should take the time, maybe I should let it go Just because I'm breaking now, doesn't mean it's set in stone Wish that I could bring him back, wish that I could let him know: Once you really hit the bottom, only thing that's left is growth The internal war really isn't as bloody as you think What you feel is your breakin' point is the furthest from your brink Loneliness from your dismay hides you showin' you love Give it a chance and life will show you you tough I had to go through a switch, lose my mind and lose my heart to a b*t*h Lose every f**k I had to give and stop harborin' sh*t And I was off of the sh*ts, boy I was seekin' a grave But I know I got time left, so I'm seekin' my pay I just wish you were here, but I thank you for the lesson I used to call your phone to hear your voice up in that message Don't know if I got it, or if this is the right direction But some day you gon' answer my questions, n***a
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