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We received an invitation in the post one Monday morn' To attend our cousin's wedding in the town where we were born The do was back in Kerry; so wishing to be frugal We trawled the 'net to find some decent travel deals on Google Cheap flights, cheap flights, cheap as they can be Bedad we found an airline selling flights for 50p (Diddly aiden daidin daidin dai) Well we clicked on to the website and were mightily surprised To find the actual cost wasn't quite as advertised We'd forgotten airport taxes, had also to be billed But a bargain is a bargain and begorrah we were thrilled Cheap flights, cheap flights, Stanstead to Tralee It isn't every airline offers flights for 50p (Diddly aiden daidin daidin dai (x3)) After studying the website we decided it was best To pay priority boarding so that we'd sit three abreast (Three abreast, that's the best) And of course we'd all have luggage, so that's an extra cost And then we paid insurance in case our cases might get lost Our cheap flights, cheap flights, it's obvious to see There must be extra charges when the flights are 50p (Minya, minya, minya, key change) At last the flight was booked, with all of the additions We'd read the reams of smallprint, of terms and conditions; And then picked up the charge for using VISA which was drastic 'Cause how the feck are you supposed to pay if not with fecking plastic? Cheap flights, cheap flights, we paid the fecking fee Because by now we were committed to the flights for 50p (Diddly aiden daidin daidin dai (3)) (Someone's being diddled and it's us, so it is) (*Ochone, ochone, aah . . . ) Now I don't know if you've tried looking at Stanstead on a map But checking in at 5am is a fecking load of crap It's packed if you try to catch a train or underground So a taxi to the arse in the world was more than 100 pounds Cheap flights, cheap flights, we should have gone by sea There's no such fecking thing as a fecking flight for 50p (Feckity feckity feckity feckity feck, feck, feck (x2)) Then at last we reached the airport where we had to pay a fine The fecking feckers charged us 'cause we hadn't checked in online And finally aboard the flight there's an extra class of tax 'Cause the fecking fecking feckers fecking charge to use the jacks Cheap flights, cheap flights, I think you must agree That only fecking gobshites think there's flights for 50p (Feck, shite, feck, shite, feck, shite, arse) (Feck, shite, shite, feck, feck, shite, arse) (Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckity Feck) (Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckity Feckty Feck) (Feck the shagging "cheap flights" bastards) (Feck the shagging, feck the shagging, feck the shagging bastards) Sad verse Well finally we landed and tried to shuffle up the aisle But the steward sent us down to the back with never a hint of a smile And as we heard his annoucement our hearts gave a terrible thump (Thump) If you haven't prepaid to use the steps you'll have to feckin jump Cheap flights, cheap flights you're harking on to me You're an eejit (idiot) if you think a fecking flight is 50p FECK
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