Correction Lyrics “Excuse Me....” Hapgood’s Entrance by Stephen Sondheim

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Lyrics

Excuse me, but could you direct me to the Cookie Jar?

What for? There's nobody there, they're all here

Where?

There!

They don't look it

Of course they don't look it, because all of them aren't

Well, which ones are?

You're asking me?

Yes?
You can't tell by looking? Do I look it?

Actually, no

There you are!

Then why aren't you there?

Because I'm herе! I'm in charge!

You can't be Dr. Detmold

Of coursе I'm not Dr. Detmold! He isn't here, but he's at the Cookie Jar

Which is?

That way!
Thank you

Schub, I absolutely refuse to be hated again! Ah, Dr. Detmold?

Who in that line is a patient of yours?

My new a**istant will help you

And where is he?

He knows, I don't. He was due several patients ago. Ah! Doctor

Doctor!

Detmold, L. Morris

Hapgood, J. Bowden
I'm terrible on faces, but I never remember a name. Mayor Schub, Comptroller Hoover Hooper, my new a**istant Dr. J

Doctor

He's Schub, you're Hapgood, and I'm delighted

Good. If you need help, bring your dreams to the Cookie Jar, and my new a**istant will confuse you

So, you are gonna take care of me

He's going to take care of us, first! Now, Doctor, here's our problem in a nutshell

Oh, Schub, haha

We must know immediately which of the people on that line are bonafide pilgrims, ent**led to take our miracle waters, and which are Cookies

Yes

You've got the wrong man

Now, Doctor, you're an eminent psychiatrist, aren't you?

I loathe modesty

Even if I were Freud, I've just arrived here. How can I tell you like that who's a pilgrim and who's a Cookie? Dear Mayor

A**

That is obvious. Shall we dance?

Your place or mine?

Here and now

What the hell is this?

I have to think, and I think best on my feet. And I must think of a quick way to discover who is who and what is what and make everybody—

Yes?

—happy! Mayor?

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