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Don’t Laugh
by
Stephen Sondheim
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Lyrics
Show me a gla** of water I'll show you a soggy dress Show me a tube of toothpaste I'll show you a mess Show me a fresh-laid sidewalk And guess where my footprints are? Show me a fire hydrant I'll show you my car Show me the latest dance step I'll show you the latest fall Show me the train to Boston I'll show you St. Paul Show me a hundred lighters I'll show you the one that won't Show me a priceless vase— No, don't! Maybe it's my name Maybe it's my face Maybe it's my—both All I know is: Show me a canceled party I show you the only guest Show me an open manhole And I'll do the rest Show me a broken window I'll show you a bat and ball Show me the boat to Europe I'll show you St. Paul Ask me to give directions I'll give you a vacant lot Show me a knot that's tangled I'll show you a tangled knot Show me a nest of hornets... Maybe it's my name Maybe it's my face Maybe it's my—both Maybe I can do— Don't laugh— Good Maybe I can do— Don't laugh— Well Maybe you could be— Who knows?— Proud All right, so laugh— But not too loud If I can convince (Don't laugh) me Why can't I convince (Don't leave) you? Give me half a chance Just half And then— Don't laugh— Maybe I could be Proud of me Too If I can convince (Don't laugh) me Why can't I convince (Don't leave) you? Give me half a chance Just half And then— Don't laugh— Maybe I could be Proud of me Too Show me a barren hillside I'll show you a field of gra**! Show me an empty schoolroom I'll show you a cla**! Show me an epidemic I'll show you a board of health! Show me a starving people! Show me an insurrection! Show me a restless native! Show me the way to get there! Show me what's on your clipboard! Sally is gonna do— Don't laugh— Good! Sally is gonna do— Don't laugh— Well! Everything's gonna be— You watch— Fine! You hear a laugh? That laugh is mine! Everything will be done— I hope— Right! Everything will be right— Don't ask How Look at it all fall into place— Maybe it's my name Maybe it's my face! Show me a job to do And I'll show you Now!
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