Correction Lyrics Ruffhousin’ Mit Shuffhausen by Norbert Leo Butz

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Lyrics

I understand you are completely
Numb from the waist down, is that correct?

Yes, sir

No feeling whatsoever?

Mmhmm. That's right

I see. So...

This little piggy says-

Nothing

And this little piggy, the same?

Uh-huh

I suppose that it’s futile
To wiggle or doodle
Or jiggle this piggle?
Well, ain't that a shame

And this one?

Like wood

And this one?

(Freddy shakes his head.)

Zer gut

So, that's the entire contingent
We’ll have to try something a little
More...strangent

(He pulls a pu**y willow branch
From a vase and whips it through
The air.)

Stringent?

Trust me, Fraulein, I am a doctor

(sung)
When I was young and I was cute
And I was in the Institute
They banged it in us like a drum
The Corpus Hippocratic*m

So just before you graduate
You raise your hand
And stand up straight
And everybody has to quoth
That zippy Hippy-cratic Oath

You swear to God to heal the sick
But do no damage - that's the trick
Even if you have to lop a leg
Or God forbid, an arm

If it's for the best, go crack a chest
Or slice 'em open like a wurst
But first-
Do no harm

(He wacks Freddy on the legs
With the pu**y willow)

Yodelayeeoo!

(spoken)
Nothing?

Nope

(sung)
A medical professional
Before he starts a session'll
Be sure to pause and clear his head
And think on what Old Hippo said-

A real mensch with lots of heart
Bestowed on us this noble art
And let me tell you that ain't eas-y
In three-hundred and eighty B.C

Defend the weak and mend the ill
Prescribe a pill then send a bill-
For many years the system has
Been working like a charm
But you must recollect
With great respect
Hippocrates and what he versed-
First-

Do no-

(WHACK!)

YOWWW-DELAYEEOO

That's lovely my boy

But Doctor, this seems so cruel

On the contrary, Fraulein, Sergeant
Benson would be the happiest man
On earth if he could feel any pain-
Ya?

You bet!

Let's all yodel!

(They do.)

I said yodel!

(WHACK!)

The Corpus Hippocratic*m
Like bats out of the attic-come
Like popes out of the Vati-come

Like nylon sheets with static come

Like jockeys from the paddock come

Or fishsticks from the haddock come

Or you psychosomatic come to me

(He suddenly turns and exits. Freddy
Breathes a sigh of relief.)

Well, I guess that’s that

(Lawrence runs back in brandishing
The pu**y willow and gives him the
Biggest WHACK yet. Freddy whimpers.)

I look at him, the sorry face
I know I have to take this case-
It’s who I am, it's what I do-
If you were me, you’d have to too

If I were him or I were you
I'd look at me and like the view
For here I am and here we go
Hippocrates would wish it so

(spoken)
This man intrigues me, I will take Sergeant Benson on as my patient

Doctor, look! He's so happy he's crying!
Do you really think you can have him walking again?

Walking?
I’ll have him running
Jumping, shouting, shrieking
Or my name isn't...

(Punctuating each word with a whack
On Freddy's legs)

Dr
(Whack)
Emil
(Whack)
Shuffhausen
(Whack)
The third!
(WHACK!)

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