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What If I Was Gay? (Alternate Version)
by
Joyner Lucas
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Lyrics
Uh What if I told you that I was different? What if I told you that something's missin'? And what if I told you we're not alike And the way that I feel inside is different than what you picture What if I told you I feel divided? Keep to myself and I'm awfully quiet And what if I told you I been conflicted by my own thoughts Trapped in the dark, and I tried to hide it No, I'm not a slave to no f**kin' fairy tale I bet you think that you know me very well Make no mistake, this is not a cry for help 'Cause I don't owe no one no explanation on how I feel But on the real, what if I told you that I was brave? I grew up different than I was raised But still, what if I told you I'm out of place? Wait What if I told you that I was gay? Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh Yeah What if I told you I'm not alright? I mean, I don't feel dеad, but I'm not alive And what if I told you, "I'm not like you" And the sh*t I'vе been goin' through, it'll prolly make you cry And what if I told you, "I'm not this" And the person you think you know don't exist Look, I'm not who you know, I'm not who you wish I'm not who you want me to be, what you want from me isn't this I grew up in church where I couldn't be myself I felt like a prisoner, couldn't leave my cell They told me, "God don't like ugly," and this an ugly world And if I ever seen things different, then I would burn in hell And on the real, this is not new, this is not a phase I grew up different than I was raised But still, what if I told you I'm out of place? Wait What if I told you that I was gay? Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh What if I told you I'm homophobic? And you have zero control over your impulses And the genetic flaw in your chromosomes is the culprit It's somethin' I can't sugarcoat, it's repulsive We were homies, since children, I thought it But thought I was buggin', though 'Cause we'd sit, chill and just talk chicks Now how can we be friends still on the block When skin pigment is not our biggest difference, it's awkward Don't think it's somethin' I can't deal with Think I'm 'onna vomit, I'm gettin' this sick feelin', I'm nauseous Part of me wishes you'd kept this sh*t, still in the closet I'm white, but this is givin' me mixed feelings, like Logic I remember kids stealin' your big wheel and callin' you sissy 'Cause you wouldn't do sh*t really to stop it And now it all makes sense Is this the end of our friendship? It's startin' to send chills through my body Yeah, I'm p*ssed off a little, this is a choice We were s'posed to be boys You're actin' like this ain't optional What if I said you was weak? 'Cause you don't got the strength to conquer some biological monster that's part of you That's responsible for them homosexual thoughts If you don't want a lecture, part Like a sofa section or long as you Make your decision and stand by it, but I can't be beside it 'Cause for me, that'd be next to impossible Or you learn to control your urges You say, "It's like pullin' teeth and morals are oral surgeons" But how would you even know anyways if you're a virgin Why can't you be a normal person? What if I tried steerin' you towards a girlfriend? Wouldn't work, would it? You seem pretty surefooted I'm sure good at judgin', but I have no right I know goodbye seems cold, right? Not even a flicker of hope like a strobe light As I leave and I swear I stayed up that whole night And no, I didn't know you would go right home and go take your own life I ain't mean for that sh*t to happen, I said I won't cry (sh*t) Fast-forward, some years go by My girl's pregnant with twins, boy and girl Fast-forward again, they just turned seven I wish I had a crystal ball 'cause now I sit in awe Just caught my son in a bra playin' with his sister's dolls with lipstick on Duh nuh, (f**k) duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh, (I thought it was a choice) duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh, duh nuh nuh duh Duh nuh
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