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The Actress
by
Joe Iconis
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Lyrics
She was an actress She had some talent with a lyric But her pa**ion for the craft was unique She had potential Her approach was part satiric With an honest, weird, yet sweet, yet goofy streak Her prospects felt a little bleak So she enrolled in a cla** where they told her she was really just too rough She performed with heart and brains but that was simply not enough Her package didn't fit into a mold She'd work when she was sixty, she was told She fought hеr instincts Made herself a bit morе edible Tried hard to not be cla**ified as strange Scored an audition Some new director, super credible He didn't ask her name, just her range She could sense her formal training and her natural impulse melt "I think it's worth a shot" is what she told herself she felt And for the first time she attempted to belt She sang loud and high and impressively She sang loud and high and impressively And she felt fake and weak and progressively Off base Still, she sang loud and high and impressively She carried on so sleek and aggressively Oh so loud and high and impressively Yeah you should've heard the cheering in the place The actress belted her face off Which meant that she no longer had a face Her skin was in mushy of blood of in the middle of the floor She tried to pick it up, the director said "leave it You don't need that face no more" She was ushered off to a costume fitting Won an Obie the next day It's amazing how quick things can move when unique's not in the way No, unique's not in the way She don't have eyes now So it's hard for her to see that the world she's living in is not her thing She's got an unpaid intern working for her theatre arts degree Who drags her all around the benefits to sing And now she's climbing She don't miss characteristics That once distinguished her from all her peers There's no more pa**ion She just sees it as logistics, sing an F and all the audience cheers That's the sh*t that keeps them coming back for years She sings loud and high and impressively She sings loud and high and impressively And she's got fans who shield so possessively Embrace By singing loud and high and impressively Never weird or real, just aggressively Oh so loud and high and impressively A million dollar mouth without a face Sing b*t*h, fierce b*t*h, sing Sing b*t*h, fierce b*t*h, sing Sing b*t*h, fierce b*t*h, sing Sing b*t*h, fierce b*t*h, sing Oh / Sing b*t*h, fierce b*t*h, sing Oh / Sing b*t*h, fierce b*t*h, sing Oh / Sing b*t*h, fierce b*t*h, sing Oh / Sing b*t*h, fierce b*t*h, sing Oh / Sing b*t*h, fierce b*t*h, sing Yeah / Sing b*t*h, fierce b*t*h, sing Yeah / Sing b*t*h, fierce b*t*h, sing Yeah / Sing b*t*h, fierce b*t*h, sing Sing b*t*h, fierce b*t*h, sing Sing b*t*h, fierce b*t*h, sing Yaaas, queen Then comes the day when She's to headline her first show She's ready for her fortune and fame Then she's replaced by Jenna Elfman Who the B&T crowd know See, the star don't need a mouth Just needs a name So now the actress isn't anymore like anybody else She's tainted goods and armor-chinked and through Her stratospheric rise and fall is nothing new In her apartment She's fumbling and she's grasping All the glory and the interns have all gone She trips on her Obie Now she's on the floor and gasping Her back is broken and she just screams on and on "Somebody help" She just keeps crying on and on and on and on and She screams loud and high and impressively She screams loud and high and impressively Scream b*t*h, fierce b*t*h, scream Just as she always sang so excessively There at her place See, she was usually screaming anyway So her yelling didn't cause dismay No one checked on her for at least a day And when they finally did the sight they saw was truly a disgrace A dry and red Contorted, dead Mouth without a face Here's the moral of the story Said the neighbors from the downstairs If all you do is just sing loud and high When you die nobody cares
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