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Airport Sushi
by
David Byrne
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Lyrics
(Spoken) Yeah, I'll get this Chobani yogurt with no spoon to eat it with, please Yeah, and I'd like a bottle of water that will roll to the back of the plane as soon as we take off Right, 15 dollar Dasani water, extra plastic And you know what? I will grab the sushi, too I'm sorry? This sushi, y'know? The spicy tuna roll that has been sitting in the display case next to the ham-and-cheese panini You're sure you want to eat the sushi? You're buying sushi at LaGuardia Airport? Have you lost your damn mind? Well, I want a nice balance of carbs and protein. Just sell me the sushi, man Your wish is my command, kemo sabay. Oh Phantom of LaGuardia, why don't you tell this fine young man how he'll feel after he eats our sushi? (Song) In dreams it's haunting you That fish you ate The expiration date Is in 1-8 And still you're choosing it As food for plane The Phantom of the Bathroom is there It smells insane I am the sushi chef That made that roll The fish inside of it Crawled out a hole Yet you're consuming it This great mistake You'd honestly be so much better off Eating a Wuhan snake (Spoken) Is he supposed to be a pigeon? No, he's one of the geese that took down Sully's plane Miracle on the Hudson? More like Massacre in the Sky There's just a bird loose in the terminal? Of course there is. Haven't you been to LaGuardia before? (Song) I like to wait at LaGuardia Lots of good rates at LaGuardia Too small for planes at LaGuardia Watched a man die at LaGuardia Baggage claim carousels clink clank Outlets are there for a cool prank Loose wires hang from the ceiling Gives you a skanky old feeling I like to be at LaGuardia It's hard to breathe at LaGuardia Who can land planes at LaGuardia? (Spoken) I'll tell you who you can blame! Auntie Orphan Annie! (Song) When anything's bad, DeBlasio Throw your hands up and say, "DeBlasio" You'll feel shame I know some of it was Mike Bloomberg But it still feels like DeBlasio Is to blame Why are there bike lanes on the tarmac? But the taxis must stay three miles away DeBlasio, DeBlasio The cops hate DeBlasio And keep (Spoken) And look! Here comes the crying baby about to board a transcontinental flight (Song) Goo goo ga Goo goo ga I'm streaming cry boy Got a striper In my diaper It's a stinky stool, boy! (Spoken) Just play it cool, unaccompanied baby, real cool If my parents are looking for me, which they're not, I'll be in the kids' playground that's also a pet relief area Wow, they let a baby through security Did someone say security? Hello, Guy Who Travels in Pajamas That's right! I dress so that TSA can have easy access to my body (Song) So if you care to search me I'll spread my legs real wide I'll even bend over for you You can take a peek inside You can tell that I enjoy security You can search way up in my cavity You can pat me down You don't have to use the front of your hands (Spoken) Okay, Jesus, we get it. You can continue on to Cleveland now How did you know I was going to Cleveland? That's where everyone at LaGuardia's going, like it or not Attention, we have a gate change for passengers going to Cleveland. Your old gate was A7, your new gate is G46. It is physically impossible for you to make it to that gate in time, and the plane will leave empty. Thank you! See, I told you we should have left out of JFK And I guess I should have stayed home Ah! Oh, relax, I'm not sick. I'm just a (Song) Profiled Asian Standing beside you If I cough, then it's over You'll get off the plane Profiled Asian No, I wasn't in Parasite I know the virus is bad, but It's coming from Italy, too (Spoken) Man, this airport is its own world Yes, a third world If you stay here long enough, you will learn the mysteries of LaGuardia Why, it's the baggage handler who tosses everyone's suitcase into Long Island Sound That's right, and you should know that (Song) We're on a plane to nowhere Come on inside They say it's about to take off That is a lie Sure, it will start to taxi But then it comes back We're on a road to our motel Overnight
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