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I Can’t Stand Trees
by
Bo Burnham
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I can’t stand trees. They’re a bit too theatrical. They act all dramatic, no static, all radical. All “Hey, look at me!” All “Hey, I’m a tree!” All “Hey, stump boy, do you like what you see?” And I reply, “No! You limp-limbed lug! You winter leaflet littering bug. With towering branches and cowering roots, devouring sunshine and showering fruits. It’s a war they want? Then a war I’ll wage. I’m writing this on paper just to waste... …a f**king page.
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