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Side Hoe
by
3st
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I wanna say up front: I love my lady She's my light when the skies are rainy We f**king daily but she's... Uh, how do I put this She's f**king crazy! I swear, she's too possessive Her paranoia is too excessive Always on the hunt for some kind of scandal Let me give you an example I'm chilling on the couch With a bowl of Cap'n Crunch The two of us on Netflix Catching up on The Walking Dead Expecting to get head Turn to my girl and notice that Her face is beet red And she said, "Who this b*t*h? Why you liking all of her Insta pics? You tryna double-tap that a** Behind my back? Well, you being a savage And I won't have it!" I'm like, "Quit bugging! That's my cousin She runs a country club in Dublin That's on the other side of the ocean So, to negate your notion No sh*t, me and her ain't f**king!" But she's like, "I'm not convinced Everything I say, you contradict What, am I not enough? I'm hot as f**k! Too thick to resist But you won't commit! F**k you, f**k her And you don't get to f**k this!" She slammed the door And flipped her sh*t Now her pink slit is off limits And I don't even know what I did But I still gotta get my rocks off So I grabbed a cab and got dropped off When my c*ck's soft And my balls blue I know who to make that call to, my... Side hoe Give her a call when my Girl won't Fondle my balls No conditions No strings are attached So I can just get a** From my side hoe I wanna say up front: My girl's sweet But she's too vanilla I need a freak So I gave my side hoe a beep And I told her to surprise me An hour later I'm Hitting my side hoe from behind I call her teeth, because the b*t*h grinds Hear a weird noise Look up and I find Is... That a f**king goat? Why is there a f**king goat in this room? "You did tell me to surprise you But that's for later, babe Just be patient It'll be amazing!" I'm like, "No b*t*h Tell me what the goat is for." She like, "Okay, keep your pants on." Which was ironic Cause I didn't have my pants on She left the room and went upstairs Leaving me and the goat alone Locked in a dead stare That's when I realized that Me and this goat are in the same boat Something was about to happen to us But we didn't know what I'm as confused as the goat is Me and that animal Had a real bro moment Then I hear the side hoe come back I turn around like, "The f**k is that?" She's wearing a blowup suit In the shape of a foot And I'm like, "This can't be good." Suddenly she pulls a Glock out of nowhere I scream like a b*t*h, but I don't care She held the gun up Two shots Pop! Pop! I didn't get shot But the goat dropped I'm in shock, this b*t*h is heartless Side hoe says "Go f**k its carca**!" "Hell no! That's f**ked up! I'm dipping, b*t*h! I've had enough!" So I went home to my girl And politely asked If she'd let me put it in her a** Side hoe Dial her up When I need some Kinkier love And then things get Freaky as f**k with my Side hoe I wanna say up front: I hate my main b*t*h She got great t**s But we do the same sh*t all the time I only call her mine Because she got all them dollar signs She's going out with her girls tonight Above my head, a bulb of light ignites She like, "I'll be back at ten." So I call my side hoe like, "Bring a friend." Now I gotta wait 'till they get here The anticipation is killing me Hi, I'd like to place an order Two basic w****s for delivery It was that easy My sex drive is through the roof Open the door, my jaw hits the floor I'm like, "That's a lot more than two." (Indiscernable mob of side hoes) "Shut up! What the f**k?" "You said bring friends, is this enough?" "I said bring a friend, not a f**king army!" She said, "Who cares? Let's have party!" I'm like, "I care, b*t*h! This is my house! You and your friends have to get out!" She like, "But, we all wanna f**k you." "Really?" "Yeah, I told them that you've got a big d**k." "Let's do this sh*t!" I asked for two, I'm about to get thirty Suddenly my main b*t*h comes home early I thought I was dead Who would've guess that She'd join in instead Now it's me and my girl Plus another forty side hoes F**king in a huge a** orgy Side hoes Beautiful girls We need you You make the world A much better place Round of applause For the side hoes
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